Britney Spears is under investigation for child abuse and (reportedly) met in court today with K Fed’s lawyers about similar allegations. All I can say is… duh! Honestly, just popping out of her is child abuse enough! The poor child was doomed to a messed up life the minute it took on the last name of Spears, it would have been better off popping out of Katie Holmes and being part of Scientology extraordinary Tom Cruise’s seed line. Honestly, that lil nugget was doomed the minute the sperm hit the egg.

This leads me to my point, some people should not be aloud to have kids. Its in humane. Here is my top list of people I think should cork it up:

#5 Lindsay Lohan - Sadly you know its inevitable that she will pop a little sucker out. More then likely she will run it over with a car and/or try and snort the fetus thinking its cocaine. This is one celebrity that needs to get her lake damned before the waterfall.

#4 Marilyn Manson & Evan Rachel Wood
Now, I actually am not even sure if this would be biologically possible. However, I added this couple to my list because with all the advances in modern science (and my lack of confirmation on gender) I can never be to careful. I am not sure what would happen if they laid an egg, but I envision a Star Wars: Attack of the Clones type scenario.

#3 Every Member of Pretty Ricky
Lets not kid ourselves, even their own mothers would never allow this to happen. Had they known their kids would have turned out to be this much of a mess they would have asked the circumstancing doctor to cut it a little closer to the core if you know what I mean. I hope for the sake of all man kind that these supple young stars are shootin’ blanks.

#2 Mr. Bean
Do I have to justify this with a statement? Do I really have to spend the next few moments explaining why I think this would be a bad idea? If you don’t know, then perhaps you should be on this list.

#1 Two Way Tie between Paris Hilton and Polly Shore
The picture explains it all.

Notes? Questions? Stuff? Email Jay here.