Dating in LA is probably the most difficult thing in the entire world. I suppose this statement is a slight exaggeration seeing how that would put it in the category of eating your own flesh or bench pressing a Honda, but I do believe there is a lot of metaphorical merit to my statement. LA is easily one of the most difficult cities in the world to date in and oddly enough has probably the largest population of single people in the entire world.

I write this article from the prospective of a young male in the prime of his game living within the trenches of Southern California. I date a lot but not enough that it’s “easy” or I can be labeled a “player” and/or “pimp”. I have a lot of confidence yet at times I find myself with little or nothing to say. I go out a decent amount however at times I find myself writing articles on my website at 9pm on a Saturday night while drinking a Tecate and watching reruns of Law and Order. I am with out a doubt 100% your typical male in Los Angeles. Which is perhaps my greatest qualification for writing this.

The reason that dating in LA becomes so arduous is because everyone in Los Angeles’ standards are far to high for what they should be. This is in its entirety the only reason anyone actually lives in Los Angeles. The people who live here are here in order to better their own careers or lives. There are far nicer, cheaper places in the world to live than LA, but none of which have the opportunity that LA harbors (other than perhaps Madison, WI but thats only because the cheese industry is the hot place to be these days). Everyone enters the city with a mindset that they deserve more than they currently have. That in its self is the only linking personality trait between everyone living here.

With that, everyone sets their goals two notches above what they typically would accept as a successful outcome; Worse, they talk as if they are already above that landmark! This is what makes everything so damn difficult. Everyone feels the need to act as if they are perfect, successful and just plain awesome. Everyone is convinced that being a typical dude is completely unacceptable behavior, and this in itself makes it virtually impossible to have a legitimate conversation with anyone. We are a society of completely un confident-confident people. Everyone is so low on self esteem and yet loves to pretend like they are Brad Pitt or Eva Mendes. In fact everyone thinks lower than Brad Pitt or Eva Mendes is a failure. This in itself is setting everyone up to die alone.

The main problem with this artificial environment is, it creates an episode where everyone is forced to try and control every situation. Everyone is only confident or successful in their own element, therefore they must control every conversation in so its constantly within their own limits of confidence. Actors/Actresses constantly re-esert themselves as just that, an “actor or an actress” (when in reality they are a waiter or an assistant). Industry types exchange cards and connections over vodka tonics and editors “talk shop” while chugging a couple cold ones (really depends whats on tap).

Everyone has an element that they are comfortable in and that is where they need to be. They can not venture outside or they don’t know what to do, if a conversation ventures outside their realm it either bores them, ends quickly or is moved in a more comfortable direction before they hyperventilate and die.

I remember having a conversation at a bar with a friend the other day about how much they “hated how everyone asks ‘what do you do?’ instead of ‘how are you doing?’” in LA. I remember thinking to myself that this person was right and perhaps that this person seemed to “get it” and “be above the smug”. This friends shit definitely didn’t stink. But looking back I realize that this person was merely turning our conversation into their own element. the reality is this person’s job isn’t the stereotypical “cool” as it doesn’t involve entertainment or the “industry”. They probably had been burned in the past when this conversation came up thus developing the protection of being “to hip to be cool”.

As long as this person could maintain the conversation as not involving their work, they could maintain confidence. If it ventured into a “what do you do” mentality, they would have been on the lower end of the pecking order (in their own mind) which would have set them outside the acceptable Los Angeles “cool” limit. The fact is, everyone out here is shallow, and that is just how it goes. And to be honest, that isn’t totally a bad thing. If you realize that the reality is your out here to advance in whatever it is that you do and you don’t let that control your life, you will be ok. It is just so damn hard to “turn on and turn off” that aspect of our lives.

So the next time you are at a bar and are talking to someone, if you find yourself thinking “wow this person seems really shallow” realize that your probably on the same level as they are, perhaps they are just a little bit more experienced at it then you are. If we don’t put down the “cool” antics and the barriers of “advancement” we set up in every social situation, we will all be doomed to die alone.

Questions? Comments? etc? email Jay here.