There are two types of girls in this world: Ones who care about Valentines Day and the ones who pretend to not. There are not other types no matter how much the hating females would like us to believe. Every girl overly obsesses about Valentines Day, that is not a sweeping generalization, thats just a fact.

Watching girls interact on this hallmark holiday is semi hilarious and borderline psychotic. Either a girl has a date and is overly excited to have an excuse to get something red, or the girl is single and is sexually frustrated about this occurrence . How the latter deals with it is the most humorous. Here are some examples:

1) The “Fuck The World” Girl
The “Fuck The World” girl is my favorite to watch. This is the type of girl whom is actively upset that others are constantly reminding her that she is alone. These are the girls you will see posting Myspace bulletins about “how valentines day is a fake holiday” or attempting to revolt against the corporate influence on modern day romance. These are the girls that are in active denial that they will go home and attempt to drown themselves in the bath while flipping through the bridal catalog from Sears.

2) The “Oh it’s Valentines Day?”
Oh it is? Well for fucks sake I better go order myself some roses. Yeah you know them all to well, the forgetful girls. These fillies are far to open about the fact that they didn’t know it was Valentines Day. Don’t let their outward expressions fool you, they knew all to well. Try tripping them up in their web of lies, it makes for a good time.

3) The “Crap, I need a date’s”
Yeah, you got the text message, don’t act like you didn’t. You know, that one girl that’s your good friend thats single. You probably have kinda wanted to tax her at one point in your existence, but since have given up because they talk to much. Chances are they casually texted you to see what you are doing, but failed to remind you its Valentines Day. Next thing you know you are stuck taking this bitch out to an awkward dinner so she doesn’t have to sit at home all night. Chances are she will subtly guilt you into picking up the tab, or she will show just enough tate to make you feel like there is a slight chance. After a nice dinner she will bail on you when her ex boyfriend calls for a quicky. Don’t be fooled my naive friends, these girls know full well what they’re doing.

4) The “Oh don’t get me anything’s”
For fucks sake we all know you want something, stop pretending like you don’t, you aren’t fooling anyone. We all know you got a boner when your best girlfriend got the Guylian Sea Shells from that asshole in accounting. Seriously dude, you’re a total dick for setting the bar high last year, now we all gotta spend the next 364 days hearing how “Johnny in accounting got everyone chocolates”. You know all you are doing is making these already hefty girls a bit fatter, which will make them even more depressed requiring more chocolates. At least let us all know when you’re gonna pull a stunt like that so we can get some conversation hearts or something. At least let us get some red and white jellybeans. If you don’t stop pulling that shit on us we’re gonna shuve those Guylian Sea Shells in your fat ass. Dick.

 5) The “Picky Girlfriend”
You’ve  all dated them… Well, if you’re reading blog chances are you have never dated in your life seeing how I am a terrible influence, but you know what I mean.  You know, those girls that say things like “I don’t like flowers or chocolate, thats what everyone gets”.  Really? everyone?  Last year you were sitting at home watching Breakfist At Tiffanies with your chubby best friend, I don’t remember you getting anything.  You were pulling the #3 on me like I am some kind of idiot (which I am because I’m dating you now).  Seriously, just take the fucking chocolates and shut up, its bad enough that you’re gonna force me to wear this gay red shirt and listen to Barry Manalow tapes all night, at least let me end the night with some dignity.

So those are a few examples for you to chew on. Hopefully you get the delicious privilege of roaming the day among these wild boars. Be on your guard fellow men, tonight it’s safety first.